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Spider-Woman #1 Ass Variant

21 August 2014 _ 09h58m13 EST
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~ Back when we still posted our quarterly thoughts on this site, we would often take time to chastise DC comics for posting regressive, inappropriately sexualized content. As we are not hypocrites, now is the time to call Marvel Comics on its shit for releasing the most dehumanizing, chauvinist cover by major publisher this year. Anyone who has read and re-read the angry red planet’s x-files/quantum leap slash fiction knows we are a sex-positive organization, but MILO MANARA’s cover for Spider-Woman #1 is so embarrassing, we are hesitant to post it here. After all the kudos that Marvel has reaped for publishing positive models such as the new Ms. Marvel, we hope that they have the good sense to be embarrassed by this garbage.

Spider-Woman #1 Ass Variant


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12 O’Clock Assholes

9 August 2013 _ 16h00m27 EST
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12 O'Clock Assholes

we once went on a tirade against the cliche of ‘[he/she] is trying to hard’ — because everyone tries too hard, therefore no one is trying. also, the people who ‘try too hard’ are often ‘somebodies’ because of it, rather than nobodies who post on a website twice a year, bitching about someone else’s fun. however, artforum is really trying too hard. something (my experience with human nature) tells me that the fart huffers who read, write, and/or edit artforum would not be caught dead within a country mile of the neighborhoods where this movie was filmed; it’s the equivalent of saying the poverty in china or india or mexico makes for beautiful photographs, or that the visually striking image of a plane hitting the world trade center is marvelous to behold. therefore, artforum is worse than 9/11. i hope everyone in this movie dies.


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‘alright. let’s hit it!’

16 July 2013 _ 21h52m43 EST
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20130716A


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happy birthday akira!

16 July 2013 _ 13h34m00 EST
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~ even though today we would want all of our heroes from this film arrested for noise pollution,
happy 25th anniversary to the angry red planet inspiration AKIRA!!

akira


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catwoman 0

12 September 2012 _ 11h00m06 EST
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~ we normally don’t post about dc comics here, but today they have done something worthy of ridicule, so we can’t resist. guillem march’s original cover of ‘catwoman 0’ was rightly maligned across the internet, and dc tried to respond by changing the cover. unfortunately, for them anyway, the new one is just as unreal.

while it is admirable(?)that they gave catwoman an ass reduction and re-attached her breasts to her body, we still believe that you can not bend your spine backwards 90 degrees. her left leg looks to be about three times as long as her torso, the right leg is about the length of the left leg’s shin. her left hand is grossly enlarged, so perhaps march is employing a thing called ‘foreshortening’. to his credit, after all, it could be possible for a human body to be so contorted if we are looking at her from 2000 yards away, through both wide-angle and telephoto lenses simultaneously, a ‘technique’ we used to employ on our interior models, back when we were still ‘doing architecture’.

Catwoman 0 cover

ps. the new dc logo sucks!


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attack ships on fire off the shoulder of orion

27 June 2012 _ 17h41m50 EST
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~ have we ever clicked a more disappointing (pg-rated) headline?

blade runner


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aliens question

29 March 2012 _ 09h02m09 EST
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~ We were reviewing ‘Aliens’ in preparation for ‘Prometheus’ and we made a ‘discovery’: When Ripley goes down to the reactor to search for Newt, what is the point of Ripley burning the eggs and wasting all of her pulse rifle ammunition and grenades on the Queen?

Ripley and the Queen have reached an agreement; Ripley won’t torch the eggs, and the Queen will hiss to the other xenomorphs not to attack. The whole settlement is about to be destroyed in a nuclear explosion anyway, which we all know because of the constant reminder on the loud speakers, so Ripley could just calmly take the elevator to the landing platform and escape, letting the processor explosion take care of the nest. Instead she empties her guns and has to run from the queen, gets Bishop chopped in half, and loses a cargo-loader.

The answer is probably just ‘Because that’s what happens in the story’, since they needed an explanation for an egg being on the Sulaco at the beginning of the third movie.


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tunk you

25 February 2010 _ 16h35m29 EST
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~   if the movie ‘kick-ass’ is true at all to the source material, the tween star will be slicing heads in half and shooting people through the taint, but some fucking pussy choad minlfs are worked up about her saying words that the new york times thinks aren’t mainstream: spoiler alert – ‘cunt’ and ‘cock’?

‘cunt’ isn’t mainstream?  one of the most iconic shows in the history of television, ‘the sopranos’, which i know the times has creamed over, did not let a day go by without helping to put ‘cunt’ a household usage, ex: ‘i’m about a cunt hair away from throwing this text-a-day project in the trash’.

what fucking parent would be letting their kids go see–spoiler alert–humans being chopped in half and burned alive, even if the killer was 18+, but ‘blanch’ at the idea of seeing a 13 year old saying ‘fuck’.  we didn’t have red band trailers when we were 13–back in the 1960’s–to teach us about ‘pecker’, ‘snatch’, and ‘cumguzzling’, but we sure as shit talked about it, as does every kid whose mom works at beliefnet – guaranteed.

about the only thing that ‘makes sense’ in this article ironically comes from a corporate studio:

“It’s really important for people to know what kind of movie this is so they can make an appropriate decision about whether or not they want to see it.” – NYTimes.com.

you mean they don’t want some simple asswipe fuckwit walking into the theater, expecting to see mr. fantastic using his stretching abilities for some gosh-darn zany dancing, surprised upon seeing a comic book movie about a guy whose only superpower is beating people in the face with sticks?


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this is it

24 February 2010 _ 17h15m59 EST
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~

Orca kills SeaWorld trainer
-msnbc

good.


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choking warning

22 February 2010 _ 12h24m34 EST
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After hot dog death, choking warning urged

CHICAGO – When 4-year-old Eric Stavros Adler choked to death on a piece of hot dog, his anguished mother never dreamed that the popular kids’ food could be so dangerous.

Some food makers including Oscar Mayer have warning labels about choking, but not nearly enough, says Joan Stavros Adler, Eric’s mom.
msnbc.com.

it’s hard enough trying to explain to a swede why the united states is in our top three (3) favourite countries, but the notion that we need warning labels to tell us that putting objects in our mouths carries the risk of choking or that we need help with the activity eating makes this country seem so incontrovertibly stupid, we will never win the argument.

Her son had eaten hot dogs before without any problem.

Hot dogs are “almost as American as apple pie,” she said. “You really don’t know how horrible it can be.”

agreed, we’ve surely never head heard anything horrible about hot dogs!


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