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ticker tape

5 November 2000 _ 21h53m40 EDT
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~ the more and more i read a certain letter about me, the more and more i feel like the psychopath they purport me to be. how else could i do so much wrong with so little intent and no awareness?

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~ for those who could not make it, my midterm review went extremely well.

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~ no stress for 12 hours.


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content, content, content

3 November 2000 _ 13h25m22 EDT
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~ the recent days have heaped too much confusion to get around to something like posting inessential news to this page. this is not a weblog. that having been said, this morning was a triumph at the point of entrance to the bagel factory on cadillac, when one of the young women saw me walk in and brought my ‘usual’ to the cashier before anyone had taken my order. yes, i’m a creature of habit…a poacher…unoriginal, but, yes, someone around here has noticed me…

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~ this morning of lucidity is now counteracted by some lines from an email i sent out in a sleepless delirium; i would not have thought anything about this – or remembered it – if the recipient had not called me about it and asked what was happening. is this what they mean by, ‘content, content, content’:

    “…
    meet my thesis advisor today…

    mid review on saturday
    not much time to talk…i’m sorry…
    really…
    i will try calling after i meet r.m. today..
    can’t remember when i spoke to you last…
    stayed at school all night..

    slept in the floor and cried..
    does anyone else take this so seriously?
    three of us are about to e-x-p-l-o-d-e
    the rest come here to look at porn and drink sam adams
    this is babble

    bah!

    …”

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~ we tested this site on mac+ie4 last night. just ‘more fire for burning people’…

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~ as always, check out the ‘going green…’ site, there are two dozen new sites, and a special bonus for our canadian friends on the banner page five…


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hopelessness

30 October 2000 _ 13h25m22 EDT
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~ in my incoherent post early this morning, i forgot to add something about the state of hope here at the angry red offices: ‘…more hopelessness…’ there, now, things should be a little clearer.


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rough night

4 October 2000 _ 08h55m05 EDT
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~ ….rough night…..


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unstereo

4 October 2000 _ 08h55m05 EDT
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~ one of the wires has been pulled out of my headphones, so only the right speaker works. the trial continues…


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sci-arc

8 September 2000 _ 15h20m47 EDT
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~ frustration is paying $16,000 a year to attend a graduate school that you can’t enter because they don’t have a certificate of occupancy. to the folks on the east coast who are looking for graduate schools, you won’t find one at sci-arc.


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dinosaurs, frankenstein

13 June 2000 _ 06h54m46 EDT
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~ i never go to the beach in los angeles. i don’t think that i have been there once this year, except maybe to try to steal a poster from a phonebooth. when i have out-of-town guests, like i did this weekend, however, i have to entertain them with trips to the ocean. as my wretched body is not conditioned for the sunshine, though, the sun quickly wreaked havoc upon my skin. my legs in particular are too freaking sunburned to be moved. the best i can do is wobble like frankenstein’s monster and yell for my roommate to bring me coffee and tortillas and salsa verde. maybe that’s not so bad…

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~ i finally got to see ‘dinosaur’, but it wasn’t quite what i expected. it was pretty soft; there weren’t any gory battles, no one got killed, and there was this crazy love story. worse, there were ‘monkeys’ running around the place. i think that it may be a movie that is more for kids…


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school’s out for spring

26 April 2000 _ 20h10m07 EDT
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~ school has pretty much been out for a week for me; i still find excuses for showing up, thought, like helping people with their models, photographing mine, helping people with their website projects, ignoring mine, and cleaning up all the crap at my desk that has to be emptied in the next two days, as that is when i leave for a week in georgia, followed by a week in the countryside between there and california.

~ there hasn’t been much celebration for the end of the semester. there have been no punk rock shows and no days at the beach. there have been no hikes in the canyons and no intense consumption of coffee at local commercial establishments. for now, it is enough to be free of absurd deadlines; i don’t need any additional experience to remind me that, for the short time being, my time belongs to me again – for the short time being…


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28 days

22 April 2000 _ 00h50m27 EDT
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~ ‘a week beyond reason’ is how i have described the past few days to an out-of-town acquaintance. there is pandemonium at school, with childish letters from instructors to students, knee-jerk reactions to rightfully posted concerns, and petty goading from vindictive pissants who can’t get anyone to give them the time of day. some fellow thesis researchers come across a proposal which is only two pages long; as we were all in the 30-50 page range, with me admittedly on the light side of the scale, tidal waves of rage immediately engulfed us. to this is added a note from an instructor who is ‘concerned’ with my performance during a presentation. this is how the stage is set as i walk into the hall for my final studio review and see that the jury is my personal sci-arc rogue’s gallery; my instructor seems to have made a point to invite everyone with whom i have a history. when they see me, they are already ready to go to it; nothing i say has any effect on the belittlement which immediately rains upon me and my mediocre project after i finish my little opening speech. i have never been a practitioner of the philosophy that a good night’s sleep and the accompanying lucidity is more important than staying up all night for that one final model and its accompanying groggy confusion.
so, when i am propped up against the wall and what could be my greatest antagonists (at least, those who are still allowed in the building), i am without defense immediately fall to the ground and am kicked repeatedly from all sides. my loving instructor attempted to prod a few responses that he knew were lurking inside me, but i was still trying to pick my broken teeth and glasses from the floor. after the blood ends, i have a date to see ‘hi fidelity’, but due to some confusion with the newspaper, we arrive too late for john cusack, and i am suckered into something which i would rather not mention…or even consider remembering…

~ at least i don’t have to drive to the freaking valley today.


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sci-drama

19 April 2000 _ 21h25m14 EDT
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~ it’s tough to keep an idea about updating this freaking log when i am not even sure when the freaking days have gone by, as i haven’t left the building in 4 days… final review in rotondi’s studio is tomorrow, but i can hardly think about it, with the all the drama at sciarc this week.


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