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did they appear out of thin air? perhaps you had just ordered a coffee, and instead were presented with a cadre of bible thumpers in bad suits? were they beamed down from a spacecraft?

this is all very disturbing.

no! there is an unnerving trend in west philadelphia which involves the use nubile, sensually dressed young ladies who are dispatched to your neighboring table in the cafe and your front door at home. they pose as normal students, only upon close inspection does one realize that they are, in fact, actual christians; the text they are studying is the ‘holy bible’ and the syllabus before them is actually a list of ‘watchtower’ drop off points. you speak to these cafe spies at the risk of a lecture with the intent to convert.

on one occasion, however, we were able to observe a clearly collared priest proselytizing on the sidewalk; he was informing a boy in a foam hat and testament t-shirt of the harm in drinking beer from a coffee cup at 9am.

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